eighteensixtyfive

Good Evening and welcome to …

… tonight’s edition of “Guess the Formation“.

Our first question is: “given this set of players … Smith, Thompson, Cullip, Breckin (c), Curtis, Southall, Clingan, Perchio, Commons, Holt (Gr) and Tyson … what formation would you expect them to play?“

You’re right … it’s 4-3-3. Unless it’s 3-4-3. Or 3-5-2. Or 4-3-1-2. Or any of the above.

Nottingham Forest 1 – 1 Tranmere Rovers

First off, credit to Tranmere. I remember seeing Rotherham (under Ronnie Moore) doing the same to us before. In fact I’ve even written about the tactic before. This was text book. Southall was left totally out of the game. Clingan and Perchio were outmuscled in midfield. The ball spent years in the air. Time wasting was the order of the day. And it worked. We simply couldn’t pass today. Without service Commons, Tyson and Holt were spectators.

Secondly, we don’t half whinge. Honestly. Given the absence of our two major scapegoats (at least for part of the match) we just moaned and whined about football in general. The bloke behind me was giving it all the “just pass the ball to a red shirt for fuck’s sake“. Then, when we started passing to red shirts (backwards or sideways because of Tranmere’s work-rate) he pipes up with “this is Chuckle Brothers’ football … to me, to you“. At no point during the ninety minutes did I hear any encouragement, not even a “Come on“, from him. And he was nowhere near the only one. No wonder we’re such bottlers, especially at home.

Thirdly, their goal. It was obvious Taylor would score for them and judging by his celebrations it meant a lot to him. I was never one of his critics (apart from a couple of frustrated elbows) and I’m actually pleased he scored against us (although a 2-1 victory would have been better).

Fourthly, our goal. Despite all the whining about wanting short passing and not going forwards enough, the goal came from us defending deep and using a long-ball counter-attack. Clingan swept a magnificent cross-field ball (very long) to Curtis who managed to break on the left wing. He put in an excellent cross for Perchio to run onto.

Fifthly, their keeper. He needed booing. Yes, he injured himself. But he did it clattering Tyson, and it’s to Nathan’s credit that he stayed on his feet when we should have had a free kick. So tough.

As for the players:

Smith: much improved.
Thompson: I think he was playing right-back and did OK.
Cullip: Still organising, still our strongest defender.
Breckin: Caught out once or twice but reasonable.
Curtis: Totally out of position for most of the game, causing Breckin to make some last-ditch tackles.
Southall: Marked out of the game.
Clingan: Muscled out of the game and ineffective (apart from the goal).
Perchio: Muscled out of the game and ineffective (apart from the goal).
Commons: I have no idea where he was supposed to be playing but he certainly put in a lot of effort till his hamstring went.
Tyson: As ever he looked dangerous till he was taken off (presumably for his calf strain from last week).
Holt: Ineffective. It appears that he needs Jack as a partner to play for us.
Agogo: On for Commons and worked hard for not much return.
Dobie: On for Tyson and did nowt.
Holt Snr: On for Clingan. Added a bit of muscle to our midfield but didn’t affect the game much.

Lastly, we’re no longer top. In some ways I don’t care. Promotion is what counts. In some ways I’m fuming. This is bottling it of Arsene Wenger proportions (if we fail to win promotion then it’s bottling it of Keegan proportions). But this is just the half way point. Get the juggernaut back on track, grinding out three points without playing well and I’ll be happy. Get promotion and I’ll be happy. Get first place and I’ll be happier. But you can never tell about a manager till he has been tested. I don’t think CC will be tested at all this season, unless that Keegan-style descent into madness happens.

Posted in General

It’s not Harris … it’s me!

First off, an apology. I’ve not been for a while, hence the lack of reports. The run up to Christmas is a busy time. The swanky parties. The posh dinners. The tears, the vomiting, the bloodshed.

In the time I’ve been away Forest have had a “wobble”. A “blip”. Have been dropping points left, right and centre. There has been some speculation that this was down to the omission of Neil ’scapegoat’ Harris. But, as you’ll see, it’s all my fault.

Nottingham Forest 3 – 0 Port Vale

We lined up in our traditional 3-4-3 formation. For some reason, CC had seen fit to recall John Thompson (who I’ve never really rated) from his loan spell at Tranmere and he started today, in place of Wes.

So we looked something like this:

We started slowly. Vale putting us under immediate pressure and sustaining it for the first quarter of an hour. The Trent End rang out with cries of “Come on Forest“, “Wake up Breckin” and, loudest and most frequently, “For fuck’s sake Thommo“. Honestly. He was having a total mare. I was wondering why on earth CC would want him in place of Wesley when suddenly I had a flash of inspiration. It’s a 4-4-2! A back four of Thommo, Cullip, Breckin, Curtis, a midfield four of Southall, Clingan, Perchio and Commons. It’s just that CC had forgotten to tell the players and they were still struggling through a 3-4-3. With this insight, suddenly you could see the light bulb pinging above Thommo’s head … “right back, I know right back“. He started playing well, the defence looked solid and between them Southall and Commons tore Vale apart – Commons in particular was a revelation. This paid dividends when a right wing cross (from Agogo I think) was whipped across the face of the goal – apparently (I couldn’t see) Tyson back-heeled it into the net and we were one up!

And the fog descended again. Commons decided to start playing the right wing, getting in Southall’s way and leaving Curtis hopefully exposed on the left (Perchio had to leave his central berth to cover the left) and Vale came straight back into the game. And my confusion with the midfield also left the defence at a loss – they weren’t sure if Commons’ new role meant they were a back three or back four. Vale took full advantage without really being good enough to threaten.

I stood during half time trying to impress on Commons (using the power of thought) the importance of sticking to the 4-4-2, with him on the left. Unfortunately, he wasn’t psychically receptive enough as the second half began in much the same vein as the first ended. Us occasionally threatening, but for the most part, looking like a load of schoolboys all chasing after the same ball (as my brother put it).

Until Tyson was replaced by Grolt and shortly after Commons was replaced by Lester. It seemed to have little immediate effect, apart from increasing my confusion. Why replace the only player who looked likely to score? Why replace the only player who looked likely to provide the chances? Until I looked up and the red shirts provided the answer. They were lined up in three lines: 3 defenders, 4 midfielders and 3 attackers. Back to the 3-4-3! My moment of clarity was rewarded with Jack heading the ball into the path of Grolt who forced the ball into the back of the net. A great goal and once again, a direct result of my understanding of the formation.

But CC had other plans. Agogo was replaced by Holt the Elder, in order to shore up the midfield. However, the net effect was to confuse the hell out of me (and hence the players). Is it 4-4-2? If so, who was playing the left wing? Sometimes, it looked like 4-4-1-1, with Grolt on the left and Clingan playing behind Lester. Other times it looked like a 5-3-2, with Southall and Curtis as wing-backs. The only plus point was that Lester and Grolt were obviously enjoying playing together – Grolt heading on to Jack who would respond with a give-and-go (before being caught offside).

And then, for the third time that day, I had another moment of clarity. It is a 4-4-2. Clingan’s playing the left – but his idea of ‘left’ is the “left side of the centre circle“. With this revelation, Clingan broke (down the right, natch), hit a high ball to Grolt, on the left side of the box, who took a single touch to control it before half-volleying it into the back of the net!

We played out the final thirty seconds chanting “There’s only one Grant Holt“. Of course, a more accurate chant would have been “There’s only one Me” but not everyone is sufficiently telepathically responsive to have noticed my vital contribution to this game.

Highlights:
Cullip. Went to pass back to Smith but somehow used the wrong leg and hit it straight out for a corner.
The (frankly poor) referee. She fell over.

Winners:
Perchio. Man of the match and a fantastic, all-round, midfield performance.
Grolt and Lester. A partnership with an excellent understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses (unlike Tyson and Agogo who just ran a lot).
Me. My absence obviously caused the blip, my tactical awareness corrected communication problems between the manager and the team.
Us. Back on track. Before the game, I did think I would have happily taken three ground-out, boring-to-watch points. The scoreline flattered us. The points did not. The juggernaut is on the move again.

Losers:
Smith. Looked nervous. Understandable given last week, but he’s been in my ‘losers’ column for a few matches now. He either needs a kick up the arse or an arm round the shoulder. But it needs to happen soon.
Holt the Elder. The new scapegoat and deservedly so. Defensive midfield is, to my mind, the most important position on the pitch, so it’s not like I’m unappreciative of his qualities. But he hasn’t shown any of them, either before or after his operation.
Calderwood. Both David Twat and Ginger Megson tried the “chop and change the formation twenty times in a match” tactic and look how that ended up. Reacting to events is good. Confusing the hell out of the players (remember, footballer’s aren’t the brightest) and the fans is not.

Posted in General

Bring back ‘arris

I’ve not been for a while – I should make it on Boxing Day though.

A quick thought.

Bring back ‘arris!

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Joke

Jermain Defoe went into a nightclub, saw a girl he
fancied, walked up and said, “Finish your drink,
love. You’ve pulled.”

“My word!” she replied. “You’re a little forward”.

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Kris Commons

Kris Commons writes a column on the FA website.

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Is Thommo really that good?

Shamelessly lifted from “Through the Seasons Before Us”, Ronnie Moore appears upset that we have recalled Thommo from his loan spell:

“To allow the second month and then call him back ten days into it, not because of injuries, but basically to probably bugger us up more than anything, knowing that we’re short on defenders. But it happens.

“I thank him (Calderwood) for letting us have him obviously, but then I feel a little betrayed that he’s taken him back when really there is no need. I think he probably had a panic on.”

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CC is cool

A sympathetic article proving that Colin Calderwood is a good chap.

There is other, sad news coming from the City Ground today. Lyn Jarrett, the club’s Medical Consultant, has passed away. He was someone who my Dad knew well through professional contacts; when I was a boy, Mr Jarrett got tickets for Dad and myself to sit in the Director’s Box for a sold-out match against Man Utd. He also treated a young Baz for a knee injury. A true gentleman who will be sadly missed by all who knew him.

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Google Blogger

I’ve switched this over to Google Blogger – hence the change in appearance. It’s really really ugly at the moment – but I will be working on it over the next few weeks.

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Forest old boys

BBC Sport talk to three former Reds about their contrasting recent fortunes: David Johnson, Gareth Taylor and David Prutton. I was wondering what had happened to Prutts…

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Disrespect

I really like Jose Mourinho. He’s the only Premiership manager that interests me. But both him and Wenger are very very wrong. And it’s not for the reason that David Gold claims.

It’s nothing to do with players.

It’s nothing to do with clubs.

It’s to do with us. With the empty wallets and the hoarse throats.

We’re averaging somewhere in the region of 16-19000 fans a league game at the moment. I don’t know how many the likes of Wednesday or Huddersfield pull in but it’s a pretty large amount. Even the smaller clubs in the “Coca Cola League” pull in several thousand, with several hundred going to away games.

Think back to your favourite games. Think what a part the opposition fans played in them. Or you played in them if it was away. This season, Millwall and Bristol City (afters notwithstanding) stand out. In the past, Norwich away, Bryan Munich at home (even though we lost). It’s the away fans that make it.

And then think how many Chelsea fans would travel the length of the country to watch Chelsea reserves? Exactly.

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